In no particular order, the 10:
Peter Crouch: Seriously, have you seen his robot dance? Tell me that wouldn’t be awkward.
Vikash Dhorasoo: Because he could shave directly beforehand and have a five o’clock shadow by the time he’s done with the foreplay, among many, many other reasons. If you like watching a musk ox mating then go check out the Animal Planet.
Mauro Camoranesi: Because the “bun on top” ‘do makes him look like a geisha with a little bit too much facial hair. There’s no need to have to guess gender mid showing. No need whatsoever.
Sepp Blatter: This one is rather self explanatory, and we have the evidence to back it up.
Wayne Rooney: I’m pretty sure “dudes who look like homeless lumberjacks” isn’t an adult genre. The other part of this is a little request of Wayne that he never partake in one from here on out - grandmas or not - because he seems a likely candidate to bestow himself upon us.
Joleon Lescott: You, sir, are just simply hideous.
Tommaso Ghirardi: He is the relatively young owner of Parma, and if you don’t know who he is, well, you’re in for a treat. Chances are he is to blame for world hunger.
Arjen Robben: One, the receding-by-the-minute-hairline doesn’t flatter him whatsoever. But mostly, there’s no need to see him tear a ligament when he’s going for a Cruijff turn mid-throw. Arjen just needs to stick with non-contact activities.
Momo Sissoko: It’d be like watching a rose bush get trimmed with a chainsaw, if you get my drift.
Oliver Kahn: Too much yelling, too many fist pumps and way, way too much Olli Kahn.
